I left without so much as a goodbye. As if I had never existed.
I didn’t know what to say. I figured you had quickly forgotten about me anyway.
How do I explain why? “It wasn’t you, it was me.” Psh.
I heard about the rumors, my demise, how one day I was just gone with the wind. A magician disappearing into thin air. My belongings apocalyptically left behind knowing they were the old toys no one would ever play with again.
My ghost floats through your hallways. A reverse haunting.
Did you see it coming? My leaving?
Perhaps my eyes painted a watercolor apparition.
To flip a switch and be gone… without so much as a glimpse in the rearview mirror. It is a bad habit of mine.
I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. It wasn’t part of the plan.
I edge on psychopathic turf.
Psychopath or survivalist? I turn off the emotional and go onward but only to protect the limits of my human brain and wild heart.
I live in a different Universe now, far away from you. I don’t know how to interact with my past life nor the characters in it. I don’t remember my lines anymore.
Logic tells me the same stage still exists, in the same spot, with the same players, that the show never stopped just because I bolted mid-act.
It is a black void that itches my soul when I get too close. It is best if I remember you as a mirage, that my reckoning and running toward you would be futile.
But as I part once again, I want you to know that the grief of losing you remains an open wound on my insides, and that there will always be a special place for you inside of my hollow heart. At night, your memory enflames my nightmares.
And during my days the only way I cope is to live as if you never existed.